How to get through Tough Times the Buddhist Way
I answered a knock on my door early in the morning.
“Your neighbours downstairs have noticed damp on their ceiling – can we check your kitchen?”
We walk into the kitchen…
There’s water spilling out of the ceiling – all over the worktops, all down the walls, all on the floor…
***
You know that feeling when out of nowhere life deals you a blow?
One minute everything’s ticking along as usual and then – wallop – you’re hit for six.
Panic. Helplessness. Desperation. Perhaps even self-pity… “Why me?!”
Buddhism teaches us how to be zen even in the most challenging of times.
The Buddhist Teaching: Avoid the Second Arrow
The Buddha said that if you’re hit by an arrow, you’ll be in pain.
But if a second arrow hits you in the same spot, your pain will be 100 times worse.
The circumstances you find yourself in or the bad luck you’ve been hit with: that’s the first arrow.
The second arrow is your reaction: feeling frustrated, angry, helpless or anxious will only make things 100 times worse.
Recognise the situation for what it is – a pretty sh***y situation – but without exaggerating it with other emotions and feelings.
Try to be calm instead. It will make it easier to see a way forward.
And when you’re looking for a way forward, keep this Buddhist proverb in mind…
The Buddhist Proverb: Little by Little
“If you want to cross a mountain at night,
You don’t need to light up the entire mountain.
A torch will show you one metre ahead on the path; it illuminates the next few steps.
Just hold the torch so it shines on to the path in front of you.”
When I first saw the flooding I so desperately wished there was a switch I could flick to make it stop.
Of course, I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple.
But I could take the next logical, little step. I could use tupperware boxes to collect the water. And I’d figure out the second step after that.
Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to find an instant solution which is out of your reach. Start with smaller, real actions that put you in control and make you feel like you’re making progress.
The Buddhist Truth: All Suffering is Impermanent
One of the main Buddhist beliefs is that all suffering is impermanent.
No matter how bad a situation is, it won’t last forever.
That simple thought alone can help get you through tough times.
Like other problems I’ve faced, I knew the leak wouldn’t last forever. Today’s problem would soon be yesterday’s problem.
I’m going to guess what you’re thinking here, because I’ve thought it too: but some situations do last forever. Perhaps someone close to you died. Or you’ve been diagnosed with a life-long condition.
Unlike the leak in my kitchen, these things can’t be “fixed”.
But here’s the way I’ve learnt to look at it: although the situation may not change, you’re suffering doesn’t need to last forever.
Initial grief can be transformed into finding ways to honour the memory of the person who’s passed.
The shock of a diagnosis can be transformed into gratitude for life itself – to living in the moment and making the most of now.
Breathing as a Coping Strategy
So there I was, scurrying around collecting drips in tupperware boxes, laying bathroom towels on the floor and all the while thinking: “Don’t get hit by the second arrow! Take things little by little! All suffering is impermanent!”…
But at a much more basic level, I simply returned to my breath.
Next time life deals you a blow and a strong emotion like panic, fear or helplessness arises, simply come back to your breath.
You can think of yourself like a tree in a storm.
The top branches may be blowing wildly in the wind, but the trunk and the roots are stable and firm.
Take a few deep breaths and focus on your breath reaching your abdomen.
Focusing on a lower area of your body has a calming effect on the mind – so you can think of your abdomen as the tree trunk which is stable and steadying.
Try not to stay in the branches where you’re being blown around.
